Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
