Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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