none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
