Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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