She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
