My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
