thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
