The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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