Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
