I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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