You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
