The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
