Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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