Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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