I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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