Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
