he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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