If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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