Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
