i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You are the jesus of drinking
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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