they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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