Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
