Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
