Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Mom said you looked used
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
