Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
