"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
