sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
