Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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