Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
