Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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