I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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