Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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