omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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