If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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