Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
