the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
