I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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