from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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