party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
