he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize