He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
