i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
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My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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