Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
