No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
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