the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
