normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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