I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
