we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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