I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
