Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
