DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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