She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
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mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
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I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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