pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
