at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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