i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
