some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
