He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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