so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
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can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
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he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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