What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
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I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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