Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
