I think I am morally bankrupt
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
