Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
