I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
