.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I want her autograph on my taint
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
3 2 1 whiskey
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
