I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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