Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
