tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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