Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
