ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
