You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
