he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
