you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
