He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
