life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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