The maid of honor just puked.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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