We named our party play list daddy issues
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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