We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
