I wish my penis had an off switch
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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