Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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