omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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