So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
