I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
