I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
