I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Its about making memories worth repressing
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
