so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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