Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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