Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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